


I Wish I Was Better

by qrikey



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Homeless Peter Parker, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Running Away, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Worried Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-30 03:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15088178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qrikey/pseuds/qrikey
Summary: After the ferry incident, Peter returns home to discover that Aunt May was killed after leaving the apartment to search for him. Devastated, Peter runs away, assuming that Tony would not want to see him after he proved himself a failure at the ferry. Tony begins to grow worried, wondering why he hasn’t heard from the kid recently.





	1. Chapter 1

Peter tried to hold back tears during the ride home, but in the silence of the car his sniffles could be heard loud and clear by Happy and Tony. Tony shifted uncomfortably as he sat next to the miserable kid. Had he gone too far? The kid deserved it… Right? But he certainly hadn’t meant to make him cry.

_“No, this is where you zip it, alright? The adult is talking! What if somebody had died tonight?”_

What if somebody had died? How could Peter live with himself? No wonder Tony took the suit away… All Peter was good at was hurting those around him. If Iron Man hadn’t showed up to save the day, hundreds of people would have died. Hundreds of fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters dead, all thanks to Peter.

_“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”_

_“I don’t have any other clothes.”_

Peter looked down at his humorously oversized shirt: I Survived My Trip to NYC. How was he supposed to explain this to May? _“Hi May! Where was I? Oh, I was just out getting some new clothes…”_

 _May._ She was going to be so worried. God, she didn’t deserve the panic that Peter must subject her to each night he snuck out for patrol. Maybe it was a good thing that his suit was taken away.

“Kid… We’re here.” Happy’s voice, which sounded almost concerned, pulled Peter out of his thoughts. “Thanks, Happy,” Peter murmured. “Sorry… about everything…” He said, addressing Tony, his eyes still damp.

As the kid trudged towards the apartment building in his oversized T-shirt and Hello Kitty pajama pants, Tony felt a tug in his heart. “The kid seemed pretty upset,” Happy stated, as he started to drive away. Tony frowned. “Yeah. Yeah, he did,” Tony agreed, wondering again if he had gone too far.

....................

As Peter hesitantly entered his apartment, he expected to see his aunt, concerned and upset, waiting for him. Instead, the lights were off and the apartment was silent. Maybe May was sleeping?

Peter ran to his room and changed into some decent clothes, to avoid having to explain the strange outfit, before returning to the hallway.

Peter tried to contain his panic as he passed through the hallway and saw May’s bedroom door wide open. The room was empty.

“May? Are you home?” Peter called. There was no reply. Was she okay? Peter began to grow more and more alarmed. She should be home. Where was she?

Suddenly, the ringing of Peter’s cellphone cut through the silence, making the boy jump. He quickly pulled the device out of his pocket and saw that an unknown number was calling him. He accepted the call and put the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” Peter said nervously, hoping that he would hear May’s voice in response.

“Hello… Peter? This is about a woman - you were the first on her contacts list… brown hair, glasses -” The man’s voice was shaky and tense.

“That’s my aunt. Is she okay? What’s wrong?”

“She’s been shot. I’m so sorry. I called 911, but… she’s dead. I’m sorry.”

Peter froze, unable to respond. He dropped the phone and crumpled to the floor, his head in his hands, and tried to process the information.

A sob escaped his mouth as he sat on the floor shaking. How could this happen? Why was May even out so late? Was she… Was she out looking for him?

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. May left the apartment - she died - because of Peter. She was looking for him while he was out, almost getting people killed, on the ferry. Well, it turns out he did get someone killed.

Everyone Peter cared about got hurt because of him. Just like Ben, May had been looking for Peter when she was killed. It was all Peter’s fault.

Before Peter knew what he was doing, his legs were carrying him out of the apartment building, running away from the place that he had called home. He ran until he could no longer breathe, and then he collapsed against the side of a building, tears flowing down his face as he buried his face in his knees.

What was he going to do? He couldn’t go to Mr. Stark. Not after he let his mentor down. The man probably hated him now anyway, as he should.

....................

Tony was starting to grow worried. He hadn’t heard from the kid for 5 days. Yeah, he had berated the kid for the ferry incident, but he hadn’t meant to cut him out of his life completely. After all, it wasn’t like he only cared for the kid because of Spiderman. Usually Peter would join Tony in the lab every now and then and remind Tony what a genius the kid really was.

Peter had become almost like a son to Tony, although he would never admit it. Everyday Peter would text Tony about school and tests and whatnot, and the absence of these messages was worrisome, to say the least.

Tony decided that he had, in fact, been too harsh the day of the ferry incident, and he figured he should probably apologize to the kid, as hard as that might be for him.

_(6:25 PM) Mr. Stark: Hey kid. I haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s up?_

_(7:04 PM) Mr. Stark: Look, I know I was hard on you. Maybe a bit too hard on you._

_(7:05 PM) Mr. Stark: What I’m trying to say is…_

_(7:08 PM) Mr. Stark: I’m sorry_

_(7:08 PM) Mr. Stark: Yeah, I said it. Now will you please respond?_

_(9:22 PM) Mr. Stark: Come on, Peter. I’m getting worried._

Little did Tony know, Peter’s phone was laying discarded on the floor of an apartment that had been vacant for 5 days.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds out about May's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I did not expect so many people to read this story. I really appreciate all the feedback I've gotten. I wasn't planning to update so soon, but I decided to write another chapter after seeing the comments. Thank you all for reading!

It had been 3 days since Tony had texted Peter. In the span of 3 days, Peter had sent no response, nor had Tony received any indication of the kid’s wellbeing. At first he thought that Peter was giving him the silent treatment due to the ferry incident. He was a teenager, after all, so perhaps he just needed to be left alone for awhile.

But it had been over a week since Tony last heard from the kid, and he was tired of waiting. As if on cue, Tony’s cell phone began to ring, startling the man, who had been lost in thought and worry.

He pulled out his phone and glanced at the unknown number on the screen. Who could have possibly gotten his number? Tony sighed and accepted the call. Maybe Peter got a new phone.

“Who is this?” Tony inquired, not caring to utter a formal greeting.

“Ohmygosh is this really Tony Stark? Peter gave me your number in case of emergency, but I didn’t think you would actually pick up-”

Tony cut him off, “Did you say Peter?” He could hardly understand the boy, who was speaking too fast to comprehend.

The boy now sounded out of breath, struggling to find words to speak. “Yes! Um, yes sir, my name is Ned, I’m a friend of Peter’s… Uh, it’s an honor to speak to you Mr. Stark sir-”

Again, Tony took the liberty of stopping the boy, Ned, as he was anxious to hear about Peter. “Wait, you said ‘emergency’. What’s wrong? Is Peter okay?”

“Oh… I was kinda hoping you would know where he is? I haven’t heard from him since May… You know… And I’m really worried about him…”

“May what?” Tony asked in confusion.

“You don’t- you don’t know?”

“Know _what?_ ” Tony practically shouted, losing his patience.

“Sir… May is dead. She was killed in… It was on the news… I thought…”

Tony only heard bits and pieces of the boys words following the announcement of May’s death. He struggled to wrap his head around the statement: _May is dead._ Surely he didn’t hear correctly. How could the lively woman who meant the world to Peter be… dead? _Peter._ Where was Peter? 

Tony regained his composure enough to state, “I’ll look into it,” before hanging up. He felt awful for leaving Ned, Peter’s friend, hanging like that, as the boy was obviously concerned and distressed. However, he was not feeling up to a conversation after receiving the tragic news.

Instead, he found himself in front of a computer screen, searching for information on May’s death. How could he have missed this? It happened 8 days ago. For 8 days, Tony had been wondering what was up with the kid, when the answer was right under his nose.

Tony’s first instinct was to gather information about Peter’s whereabouts from the Spiderman suit. It struck him that the suit was in his lab, unused since he had took it from the kid. His stomach dropped as he remembered his harsh words towards Peter that day.

“Fri, run a facial recognition scan for Peter Parker,” Tony said, after realizing that the suit was not an option.

“Right away, sir.” The AI’s voice greeted him. After a moment, Friday’s voice returned. “I have located Peter Parker, sir.”

....................

Peter was slumped against the wall that had been his home for the past several days. No, not his home… Home was where May was. But May was gone.

Peter had left the apartment in panic and anguish with no money or belongings. He went days without food, but he decided hunger was a suitable punishment. He was the reason, after all, that May was dead.

On his fourth day living on the streets, a woman passing by had tossed him a dollar bill. He gave into the emptiness and pain in his stomach and sought out to find a convenience store in the unfamiliar part of the city that he occupied.

Now, on day 8, long after eating the meager convenience store snacks, Peter once again felt pain clawing at his stomach from the hunger, not to mention the aching of his body from his uncomfortable position on the ground. Despite the pain, Peter could not muster the effort to find help.

Everywhere he went, Peter only caused trouble. All he did was hurt others. It was no wonder that Mr. Stark hated him.

_"I just- I just wanted to be like you."_

_"And I wanted you to be better."_

How could Peter be better than Iron Man? The man that he had looked up to his whole life? He didn't even deserve to be compared to a man like Tony Stark.

With these self-deprecating thoughts in his mind, Peter drifted in and out of consciousness, his body beginning to shut down from lack of care.

Peter hardly noticed the sound of thrusters and his name being called. He did not see the metal mask retract to reveal the face of the man that he thought hated him, nor did he feel himself being lifted and carried away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you want to see in the next chapters!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes up in the med bay at Stark Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Thank you all for you're support.

“Mr. Parker has awoken, Sir.” 

Tony was jolted awake by Friday’s voice resonating throughout his lab. He was surprised to find himself slumped over in a chair and leaning against his desk, as he had not realized that he had fallen asleep. 

After days of working tirelessly in the lab without a break, it was only natural for his body to give in to the fatigue, however he couldn’t help but be upset with himself for falling asleep so soon after bringing Peter to the tower. 

After a moment of confusion as to why he brought Peter to the tower, the dire circumstances of Peter’s arrival suddenly dawned on Tony, instantly waking the man up. He jumped out of his seat and glanced at the clock, which read ‘8:53 PM’. 

It had been almost 3 hours since Tony came to the tower with Peter in his arms. The boy had been so light, way too light, indicating that he had not eaten in days. Tony found him lying against the side of a building with no belongings, and he suspected that he had been living without food or shelter for several days. The thought broke the man’s heart. 

After ensuring that Peter was in good hands in the med bay, Tony had retreated to his lab, where he often went when he was distressed. Now, 3 hours after Peter’s arrival, Tony hurried to the med bay, feeling guilty that he had not been by the boy’s side the whole time. It didn’t occur to him that Peter might not be happy to see him. 

As Tony entered the room, he saw Peter lying on a bed, hooked up to an IV that had been providing nutrients while he was unconscious. Behind Peter, Bruce was typing on his computer, pausing for a moment to greet the other man. When the kid caught sight of Tony, his eyes widened and he seemed to cower into his sheets. The reaction confused Tony, but he figured Peter was just feeling disoriented, so he hurried to the boy’s side. 

....................

Peter had woken up dazed, unsure of where he was. He was lying in a bed, which was a luxury compared to his recent living conditions. As he scanned the room, he noticed a man standing nearby, looking at a computer screen. The man glanced up and noticed that Peter was awake, offering the boy a warm smile. 

“You’re awake! How are you feeling?” 

“Um… I’m alright… could you tell me where I am, sir?” 

The man seemed taken aback by the question. “Oh, I’m sorry! I should introduce myself. I’m Bruce, and you’re in the med bay at Stark Tower. Tony brought you here.” 

“Bruce… Banner?” Peter gasped. “It’s an honor to meet you, I’m a huge fan!” Peter blushed, embarrassed by his sudden outburst. “Sorry… Wait, Mr. Stark brought me here?” Didn’t Mr. Stark hate him? 

“Yeah, he found you living on the streets. You were in pretty bad condition, Peter. You could have died,” Bruce stated, his voice laced with concern for the boy. 

Peter heart sank. He felt terrible for burdening Mr. Stark. It wasn’t his responsibility to take care of Peter, but he did anyways. Would the man be mad that Peter neglected to take care of himself? 

Suddenly, Peter heard Bruce’s voice again. “Hey, Tony.” 

Peter’s eyes shot up to see Mr. Stark enter the room. Without thinking, he cowered into the blankets that covered him. Mr. Stark had every right to be mad at him. After all, Peter had not made an effort to care for himself after May died, putting the responsibility of his well being in the hands of Mr. Stark. Peter was such a failure. 

Peter hardly noticed that Bruce left the room, leaving the two to talk. 

“Hey, kid,” Mr. Stark greeted him fondly. The man sighed, his eyes downcast. “I should have found you sooner. I’m so sorry, Peter.” 

“What?” Peter sputtered. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Mr. Stark. It’s all my fault.” 

“Peter,” Mr. Stark exclaimed, “What are you talking about? None of this is your fault. You shouldn’t have been alone after May’s… death. I should have been there for you.” 

Peter thought back to the ferry incident. _"And if you died, I feel like that’s on me. I don’t need that on my conscience.”_ Mr. Stark shouldn’t have to feel responsible for him. He wasn’t even Spiderman anymore. The man had no reason to care about him. 

As if reading his mind, Mr. Stark said, “Peter. I care about you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, okay? I _want_ to be here for you.” 

Peter didn’t realize that his eyes were welling with tears. “Thank you, Mr. Stark.” He wrapped his arms around the man, burying his face into Mr. Stark’s shirt. He almost pulled away, remembering that Mr. Stark was not fond of hugs. 

However, Mr. Stark returned the hug, embracing the boy affectionately. “Call me Tony,” he said with a chuckle. 

....................

Although it was late at night, Peter sat wide awake on his bed in the med bay. Mr. Stark offered to set up a bedroom for Peter, but Peter turned down the suggestion, not wanting to burden the man further. 

Despite Mr. Stark’s insistence that Peter was not a burden, Peter still felt guilty for intruding in the man’s home. He knew he couldn’t stay there. 

Everyone Peter was close to got hurt. Uncle Ben, Aunt May… Both of them were killed because of Peter. As much as he wanted to accept Mr. Stark’s help, his presence would only harm the man. 

“Friday,” Peter called. He was accustomed to the AI’s presence, as he often spoke to her during his lab sessions with Mr. Stark. 

“Yes, Peter?” 

“Please don’t alert Mr. Stark that I’m leaving the tower.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I really appreciate all the comments!


End file.
